just be here...

Day 2.....my "why" is simple.  I just want to be here.  To be a part of my kids lives, not just a static presence in the house, that only engages to discipline (much of which could be prevented if I were present).  The challenge asked us to write out our "why" and place it by the computer.....mine is only those three words on a sticky note.  "Just Be Here!" A pointed reminder that I don't need to spend every waking moment in front of the computer.  Now to figure out a way to do that as my lock screen on my phone! 

Sarah Mae also challenged us to engage with our spouse.  This one was easy for me.  Bobby and I put a high priority on time with each other....whether it be the 30 or so minutes between the girls' bedtime and us crashing hard for the night, or trying to squeeze in date nights.  Last night worked well since the girls are with my parents for the weekend.  We went to dinner and ran a couple of errands....we did have Virgil along as our third wheel, but he's a pretty quiet companion.  We had some good talks, and some good laughs!  So far, so good!

Today, we set up internet controls.....I have LeechBlock installed on my browser (firefox) and it works well (when I turn it on....yikes), but I may try Self Control (recommended in the eBook...for Mac only), since it seems a little more strict.  We'll see!  I'll also be turning the wifi off on my phone for now....unless it's during my designated "online times".  I have high hopes for new habits!

a late introduction

 

so, this little guy is Virgil Lee Jones.

He was born on June 30, 2013.

we love him.

unwired

Sarah Mae's 14 day unwired challenge is a very timely one for me.  I seem to always struggle with time spent on the internet....whether it's my desktop, tiny old laptop, or my iPhone.  This time increased dramatically during my pregnancy (tired, nauseous, just plain uncomfortable) and even more now that I'm nursing my 6 week old. 

I've done a couple of media fasts in the past (one for a week, another for a few days, and then other variations here and there) and always enjoy my time "away", but just like any other addiction or bad habit, it's easy to fall right back into your old pattern.  I did take the step, before Virgil was born, to delete all of the games off of my phone....and there were only a couple...words with friends and solitaire.  I banned myself from Candy Crush after a couple of days of obsessiveness!

I have a dear friend doing this challenge along with me, and we both look forward to the changes that are hopefully to come in our homes!  I really hope to be able to reconnect with my kids....my oldest, especially.  She needs to see me make her a priority and to show her that she is important to me and worth my time.  They also need to see me lead by example instead of a "do what I say, not what I do" type of parenting.  We severely limit their time with electronics.....neither of my girls have regular time to play on the computer or with their devices (Macie has a Kindle Fire HD and Leapster, and Emery has an iPod Touch full of games and a LeapPad).  They are almost always limited to long car rides or very short amounts of time.  Why should I not show them that I limit my time also, since I spend so much time telling them that too much time devoted to games and "devices" is bad for you?

As far as the challenge went today, it was a bit of a bust, but I had to start somewhere, right?  I didn't get 20 minutes of one on one time with each of the kids, but I did get time to focus on Emery and watch her play while I nursed Virgil at Macie's soccer practice, and we spent extra time at bedtime reading a book that Macie had chosen at bedtime.  Sadly, those two things alone are more that they would normally get, attention wise, from me. 

I'm thankful that there are women willing to admit their struggles, women that I can walk along this path with, and ones who are willing to hold me accountable when I just don't want to change.